Thursday, October 23, 2008

The End of the Rope is Near

It's really easy to feel overwhelmed. I'm the coach sometimes. "Don't worry about it, everything will be fine." "Have confidence in yourself! You studied a lot."

Well, I need the coach now.

Freshmen year seemed like a piece of cake. The summer, 4x a week, 2.5 months in Beck hall, seemed better than now. Organic Chemistry, General Physics, Statistics, Motivation and Emotion, Physics Lab, Intro to Experimentation. 16 credits. Doesn't seem bad, not horrible. I banked 14 and 15 credits last year. I basically have 14 credits now, I'm just taking two labs that's all. Well, I feel the weight of everything during midterms. Every homework assignment, each online lab, each quiz, each report. Why did I think I could handle work?

I know I don't have it the worse. I know people are taking 18 credits or more, pledging for fraternities, working, have leadership roles in clubs. What workload do I have compared to them?

And I know this really isn't that bad. Two exams in one week is nothing compared to having 3 exams one day back-to-back. Again, who am I to complain? Why am I even writing this blog if I'm just ranting and then saying that I shouldn't be?

In every problem I have, every feeling, every meditation of my heart, I want to bring the focus back to God. God controls everything I do, He has this awesome plan for me that so far as brought me so much joy, more than I could imagine that He could work in me. Yet, now these exams are bringing me down. Exams that I've endured before. I've struggled before and God always pulls me through. Why would it be different this time around? Why do I think God would abandon me? I don't. I know He won't. I just need to pray and thank Him and repent that I haven't trusted Him.

Lord, You are so good to me. You've blessed me so much through my friends, my fellowship, everything that I do. Lord I feel Your presence with I have fellowship, Bible study. When I don't do well on an exam, Lord I praise you regardless for everything is in Your hands. I pray that I won't idolize my schoolwork. When I stress about exams, work I don't remember You. I don't have faith that You will pull me through. Lord, I repent that to You and ask for Your forgiveness. I pray that I will be a loyal servant to You in all I do. I pray that the meditations of my heart and the words of my mouth are glorifying to You. I pray that I remember all is in Your hands and I pray that brings me peace and happiness that I am the daughter of the God most high. Thank You, Heavenly Father for blessing me with more than I will ever know. In Jesus' name, Amen.

I was venting to someone once and they asked me "Where is your faith?" I don't believe someone can lose their faith. But boy, do I need reminders of how good God is. =] Praise the Lord for each day He blesses you with. Remember you live for one audience and that is God and nothing else. Not your friends, not your family, not even schoolwork. May you be reminded of that daily.

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