Friday, July 11, 2008

Summer Break

What is your definition of summer break?

My definition: working somewhere to make some extra cash, sleeping, catching up with home friends, shopping, swim at a tropical beach, pretty much: RELAXING

My current summer: going to class 4x a week for 3 hours, spending about $5 a day for lunch (which adds up), spending 3 more hours after that doing homework, going back to jen's house, and not studying.

It's not an ideal scenario. My friends complain that I'm never home, that they've only seen me 2, 3 times so far. I don't recognize my room as MY room.. the room i grew up in, the room i shared with my sister, it just... doesn't feel the same anymore. I'm spending alot of money: lunch every day, staying at jen's, and summer classes. i feel guilt even though my father insists to me its ok. "you do what you gotta do" he says. i'm so blessed to have understanding parents. when i told my dad i wanted to do summer classes, he didn't hesitate at all. he didn't make me get a job to make up for it, or ask me why i didn't take chemistry during the year. At the end i should realize how lucky i really am that i can catch up on my classes so i can take what i need to take during the fall.

But yet, i miss summer. i miss waking up at 12 and watching TV in an empty house. i miss going over to my friend's house to watch movies, i miss going to the mall with my girls and yet never buying anything. i miss nights at dunkin' donuts. i miss working and making my own money instead of spending my parents'. i miss the feeling of my room and my house. i miss being able to help my parents if they ever needed anything. i miss my cat and how she sleeps in my room at night. i miss endless hours of "friends" reruns.

I need to stop being emo and look at the bright things. God has blessed me so much yet i refuse to look at it. Since i'm taking chemistry during the summer, i was able to take other classes during the year. I didn't have to take biology and chemistry at the same time like other students which i probably wouldn't have been able to handle. chemistry is alot easier over the summer, especially since jen is such a great teacher and helps me alot. living at jen's house is a cool experience. it's like a dorm, because i'm with my friends and im taking classes. it's like home but without the distractions. it's a good experience, i'm having fun, i'm doing well in class, and i still can come home during weekends to see friends and family.

I need to realize that things are different this summer. i need to accept that God chose a different path for me but also that He chose a better path for me. I need to remember that although things may not go my way, the way i prefer it, the way i want it, God's plan is always better than my ways, even if it's outside of my comfort zone and outside of my 'norm'.

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